Do-Overs

I just tried to read that first post, and even I don't know what I meant!!! Let's try this again!

I will turn 50 this year. Very late this year, but this year. The number doesn't bother me, really. Most of my friends have been 50+ for a while, and they don't seem "old", so why should it bother me?

Change-the order of our existence. Ten years ago, I was a Christian, church-going, college-educated stay at home mom, political activist, PTA president, crafter/seamstress extraordinaire, the perfect image of thirty-something wifehood! My future seemed mapped out on the perfect yellow brick road of getting my kids into the right high schools to get ready for the right college, to find the perfect match, to make grandchildren for my husband and me to spoil, and live happily ever after.

Then, within a month, my life started turning upside down. My "baby brother" and only sibling died suddenly at 35. My husband lost his job, we lost our home and moved ourselves and the kids into my parents basement. A year later, we lost our marriage.

Just before the tragedies started, I had a "moment" from God, who told me things were going to get rough, but if I trusted him, he would bring me through it.

Ten years later, I am a Christian, church-going divorced woman with an MBA and a pseudo-career as an analyst. My children are out of high school, one still in college. Neither of them is interested or ready to find the perfect match, they are still working on finding themselves.

Hence, we're not in Kansas any more. It suddenly dawned on me as I planned my parents' 50th wedding anniversary celebration, that I won't have a 50th anniversary. I may not have grandchildren. If I do, I'll probably still be working and won't have any time to spoil them!

The milestones I always expected to find in life aren't there anymore. I love my life now, but I sometimes wonder what the next milestone will be. When I really get scared, I remember that voice that said "Trust me, I'll get you through it". I'm still along for the ride.


~Dorothy